An Ode to Children In Motion with Cartoon-like Proportions

There are many ideas in the world regarding what constitutes to beauty. Some say that it is the soul of an object, or a living being, its essence, that makes it beautiful. Others say that that which is beautiful can only be that which is removed from all notions of utility and assessed solely upon its aesthetic value.

Me, you ask?

I believe that true beauty is children with cartoon-like proportions, whose hands or feet are just a little bit too small for their bodies, or their heads just a few ounces too large.

Exhibit A:

The Fullerton Table of Disproportionate Cuteness

The Fullerton Table of Disproportionate Cuteness is based on the theory developed by Andrew Fullerton on February 27, 2020. It encompasses an entire forty seven seconds of rigorous thought, lacklustre creativity, and mid-term season fatigue. For reasons entirely unsupported by even the slightest amount of research, the theory operates on the assumption that the child is engaging in activity of some sort and focuses on the two following elements in assessing disproportionate cuteness. It should be noted that, according to the theory, limbs are, for the purposes of ill-proportioned physiques resulting in cute effect, best stubby though they ought to be functional and allow at least mostly effective locomotion.

1. Head size relative to torso
• Head size and cuteness have a positive correlation until they exceed a 1:1 head-to-shoulder ratio at which point the child resembles an extra-terrestrial and is no longer cute.
2. Number of proactive garments adorned
• Moderate garment number is ideal: too many conceals cuteness whilst an absence of arouses human instinct and concern for well-being and thus diminishes cuteness

Fullerton's theory asserts that it is not each of these factors operating in isolation that creates disproportionate cuteness, the "disproportionate" of course referring to the anatomical proportions of the child with "cuteness" thus resulting. Rather, the theory suggests that it is the interplay of the three factors that is crucial in creating cuteness. It is best illustrated in the following table where the horizontal axis refers to head-to-body ratio and the vertical axis refers to protective garments:

Note: If you are suffering from mid-term season fatigue, or similar strains of the virus known informally as the student lifestyle please visit the link below or consult your local Ceeps for substantially less effective and healthy coping strategies.

Remedies for mid-term season fatigue

Now...

Try to understand Exhibit A in the context of the table. Do you understand why the little boy getting clocked in the head by the football is so darn cute now?

Now give these a go!

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

With your newfound knowledge of the The Fullerton Table of Disproportionate Cuteness you now have effectively no more useful knowledge than you did prior.

Thanks for your time!